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Conflicts: Which Person Needs to "Take a Hike?"
Last week three clients came in with the same question:
I don't get along with my spouse. What should I do?
One of them asked, "Should I just tell my wife that she is
responsible for her emotions and that she needs to deal
with them? I am dealing with mine right now."
But that would sound and feel rough and insensitive.
Yes; certainly you could make such a statement to your
spouse...but then what would happen?
Another way to deal with conflicts is to be willing
to make an inner journey of your own.
Let me give you an example:
Rob lost his job in June and was considering opening
his own business. He was not totally sure yet what this
business should be, but he was excited about the
possibilities and willing to take the risk. He also had
noticed many limiting beliefs about money and harbored
the common belief (as we noticed during the last session
that many people do) that he did not deserve wealth.
His wife, on the contrary, loves money. She thinks and
focuses mostly on her career, and money was one of her
most important values. So when Rob decided to stop looking
for a job and start his own business, this idea did not meet
well with her approval.
She felt apprehensive about the possibility of losing income,
and soon the atmosphere in the home grew tense.
Each partner resented the other's point of view. "She doesn't
understand me; she is all about money," Rob would say.
She felt he was acting irresponsibly and wanted him to find a
job.... presto!
The situation seemed seriously polarized and the solution
did not appear so obvious.
Nothing Rob could have done or said would have
released the tension unless he gave up dream and
found a job immediately.
In these situations, do not look for any "action journey"
to take. Your way out will be an inner journey.
First I asked Rob to think about his wife...to
bring up the first thought he had about her and dissolve
it by using his Q-Word.
(See this method in my e-book: M-Power).
After fifteen seconds or so the thought was cleared,
so I asked him to keep going. He needed to empty his
"garbage can" until there were no other thoughts or
emotions about his wife rising to the surface.
So, let me give you a few examples here of the
thoughts Rob came up with:
- She doesn't understand me...
- All she wants is money...
- She doesn't care about me......etc.
After another few minutes, Rob felt much lighter and more
positive when thinking of his wife.
So, now was the time to ask him to put on his wife's
shoes, so to speak.
At first he was surprised by my demand, and had to
really focus to try and enter her mind.
He had to imagine being his wife... and think like
she thinks. What did she think about him?
- He expects me to be responsible for the entire family.
- Why isn't he able to hold a job?....etc.
And every time, Rob again used his Q-Word to clear each
negative thought that appeared.
After another five minutes, he again felt clarity within.
Nothing else surfaced.
He also shared with me that his mood was really good.
But the exercise was not finished.
I asked him to look at the partnership and the conflict
they were experiencing from far away, and to try and
see a pattern in the situation.
We began by describing the situation as an observer would:
One person desires money, and the other resists having
to bring in money... or even the thought of valuing money
so highly.
I then reminded Rob of a previous session we had done
together where he wanted to release his block toward
attracting more money into his life.
He could slowly begin to realize that this conflict was
in fact the reflection of a conflict he experienced
within himself.
The place inside himself that really desired money
had been thrown into a dark corner of his consciousness.
It had been denied life and was now forgotten. It was living
in his shadow only as a ghost.
And life had attracted to him the perfect person to bring
this shadow into the light and begin integrating it back
into "Rob".
So I explained to Rob that each time there is a resistance
to something in one's life, there is its opposite...the
desire for it... hidden somewhere inside one's consciousness.
And as long as we stand in our position of righteousness about
our point of view..."money is evil"... the more the hidden,
forgotten aspect... "I love money"... is going to appear in
our external world until we turn our attention toward it.
So to lead Rob to a place of healing and peace,
I asked him to imagine himself desiring money...
really getting into the feeling. And also to feel what he
usually felt: a resistance to money... and then dissolve
both of them at the same time.
When you desire something, know that you also resist it.
It might seem totally impossible, but the more you stand
for your "truth", the more the opposite opinion
"gets in your face".
It is also why the law of attraction necessitates letting go.
You have to let go of the inner conflict to be able to
create peace in an external one.
Rob e-mailed me the same day:
Today's session with you was wonderful!...
I was overcome with a very peaceful and
calm energy, and a clarity of mind that I have not
experienced in a long time. I got a true glimpse of how it
feels to be reconnected with the Source.
The next day, Rob wrote to me:
Colette,
The universe is responding!
I just received a call from a friend to apply for a
position in my neighboring county. The job is perfectly
tailored for me!!
So, before going for your enemy's jugular...
make the internal journey.
You'll arrive at your destination much more quickly.
Warmly,
Colette
(c) 2007 Colette Streicher. All rights reserved
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